101 Uses for a Paper Clip
Collected by Xrysostom
Note that many of these were submitted by Lutheran clergy and active church-goers, so there are some that are a bit "inside".
- hem holder
- cigar filter unstopper
- spray bottle unclogger
- eye glass repair
- hair barrette
- zipper tab
- clean fingernails
- Xmas ornament holder
- unclog Elmer's glue bottle
- calendar holder
- belt holder
- emergency cotter pin
- emergency diaper pin (boy! do I date myself there!)
- unclog baby bottle nipples (man! I was sure careful to put all the modifiers in there)
- strawberry huller
- cherry pit remover
- hymn marker (for organists)
- a substitute for the thingy that holds the scotch tape in a tape dispenser
- substitute for a twist-tie to close a plastic bag
- poke snoozing parishioners
- clean the little roller thingies in your mouse
- a pastor's helper to assist in making sure he turns the right number of pages in the altar book while conducting the Communion liturgy
- substitute toothpick and/or hard floss
- clean the shaft on your mechanical pencil
- toenail cleaner
- emergency Tie Tack (large ones only)
- inexpensive ear (or body?)-piercing tool
- inexpensive ear (or nose?)ring
- when combined with a rubber band, can be used to earn a three-day vacation" from eighth grade
- sparkly and useful alternative to throwing rice at weddings
- Lilliputian water divining rod
- holding dangles on a pierced ear
- cone incense holder/stand
- reset a Palm Pilot or Handspring Visor
- eject a powered-off LS-120 drive
- eject a powered-off Zip drive
- eject a powered-off CD-ROM, CD-R, CD-RW, or DVD drive
- actor for Micro$oft Office "help" system
- snow shoes for mice, birds, and other small creatures
- booger hunting device
- arrange clips to spell "TIP?" and leave in lieu of cash when service stinks in a restaurant
- similarly, spell "happy birthday" on a cake for the office workaholic
- clip all these suggestions together, wrap, and send as a gifts to your cheap, I mean frugal, friends and relations
- emergency corkscrew
- pubic hair for Bionic Woman
- splint for minor injuries of fingers & toes
- makeshift antenna for small electronics
- miniature slingshot
- miniature catapult
- when a fellow smashes his thumb in a range gate, and the blood begins pressuring under the thumbnail, the doctor takes a paper clip, straightens it, heats its tip up good and proper at a bunson burner, and plunges the thing through the thumbnail to make a hole to relieve the pressure.
- construction of drinking straw buildings (slide clip in end and link together)
- nose weight for paper airplanes
- central weight (several together) for a Come-back-can powered by rubber bands
- substitute playing pieces for game (bend small part up to grasp)
- card holder when strung along string or wire
- necklace/bracelet (children love stringing them)
- emergency key chain
- emergency key to bathroom knobs (the ones that have the hole in the middle to slip a long skinny thing in and pop them open)
- quick find tabs for favorite recipes
- hold papers together (too obvious?)
- book mark
- pry bar
- lottery ticket scratcher
- pipe cleaner
- necklace clasp
- chain link
- fuse replacement
- punch a pilot hole
- clean the head on an acetylene torch
- Pirate" earring (old haunted house trick)
- hold the collar of your clerical together beneath the tab
- hold up the exhaust system under the car
- lock the door to the bird cage, hamster cage, etc.
- let the air out of your tire when you over-fill it
- let the air out of someone else's tires when he parks across multiple spaces
- emergency fish hook
- hold temple to glasses when screw is lost
- grind one end to point; use for home tattooing
- desk-top sculpture kit for when your computer solitaire game is down
- castration rings for small animals
- construct see-through dress for next year's Oscars®
- clean narrow grout
- wrap with copper wire, connect to battery, and use to hold papers on refrigerator
- put a couple hands-full in your pockets and have fun with the airport metal detectors
- pop zits
- rub some on a bar magnet, then set on hostile co-worker's desk near floppy disks and hope for the best (or worst)
- connect three straight chains to a chain loop and make a hanger for flower pots
- branding irons for miniature cattle
- fashion a summer-weight chastity belt
- cut in short lengths and use as spikes in your model railroading
- hold the cavity closed while baking your Thanksgiving turkey
- bend open and use as fangs to attract the attention of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- straighten and use as ramrod in very small bore muzzle-loading weapon
- decorate the office Christmas tree
- take a box in the forest and drop them every so often so you can find your way home from the Gingerbread House
- take a box to the beach and scatter about to drive the guy with the metal detector nuts
- use to punch holes in cheap white cheese you're bringing to a snooty party
- drop a couple dozen in an empty soda can and shake it to cheer the home team
- stretch chains across a fire to construct a barbecue grill
- stick in the door lock and break off to get some peace in the bathroom
- make a crude tuning fork for your already out-of-pitch barbershop quartet
But Wait . . . There's More!
- construct a playground for ants
- skewers for very tiny shish-ke-bobs
- with tissue paper, construct a teeny-tiny kazoo
- use as frame in constructing life-size papier machè statue of Martha Stewart
- bend in a "U", carefully insert bare ends in an electrical outlet at the office early on a Friday afternoon in hopes that departmental blackout will result in an early weekend
- craft a veil for the bride who left it at her mother's house and realized it ten minutes before the wedding was to begin
- fashion emergency wedding rings to replace those lost by the drunken best man
- use chains to connect tin cans to the newlyweds' car
- use to hang bells from the newlyweds' bed
- make tongs to remove veggies you don't like from the soup
- tool to flick crumbs out of keyboard
- clean gunk from rings
- money clip
- separate eyelashes
- make paint dots
- decorating sugar cookies
- unclog the salt shaker/parmesian shaker holes
- picture hanger
- wire tightener
- clean tiny holes anywhere
- stiffen wicks (oil candles)
- clean pencil sharpeners
- reset electronic devices
- badge holder (clip to collar or button)
- hold tea bags in pitcher when making iced tea
- candy thermometer holder
- roach (hand-rolled) holder
- roach (six-legged) stabber
- bend into heart shape and give to your Valentine
- chad puncher for Florida presidential ballots
- use as a launching pad for match rockets
- mix up the food scum in the sink drain so water can empty out
- bend it into a "jumping paper clip", a fun toy for young'ns
- apply touch-up paint to a car
- sabotage your friend's drink in a Styrofoam cup (remember: hot drinks have more impact than do cold)
- put tissue on end, use to clean cassette tape heads
- temporarily fix a bra strap
- miniature clothes hanger for a doll's house
- blackpowder musket nipple cleaner
- etching tool
- blowgun dart
- chainmail for suit of armor
- lightning rod for elves
- lock picking tool
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